Yesterday, I wanted to capture a childhood memory. When I was about 6, I use to lay in bed and peer at the tree branches from across the room. They often tapped on the glass and made noises to spur the imagination. It was like cloud watching,, branches forming an array of images. This was done in summer when the daylight had not yet faded or in early morning, when my siblings had not yet stirred.
Anyway it was hard to figure how to write it in haiku and so I was at first proud of this attempt.
outside my window
tree branches creak and groan
conjuring witches
tree branches creak and groan
conjuring witches
So after reading Jane's article I sought out ways to improve my recent poem. Deleting unnecessary word, trying to remove the "ing", and removing self. Not quite happy with it, but a good exercise in taking a 5-7-5 haiku and trying to strip it to the bare bones.
outside my window
creaking branches
conjure witches
creaking branches
conjure witches
behind the glass
branches groan
witches conjured
branches groan
witches conjured
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